This post is about something I find interesting, something I have experienced over and over in life… the “second wind” effect.

During hardships one goes through some stages (I have not done any reading about this, but I will; so if you know a good read, let me know). I refer to hardships not as challenges you put yourself, but about something that goes the exact opposite of what you wanted it to go, and hurts a lot. Here are the stages I have gone through each and every time something has happened.

Please don’t question the logic, it’s my head after all…

1. Perception and shock. I become aware of the situation, and sometimes I’m paralyzed and can’t take any action related to what has happened, any action whatsoever for a second, a minute, an hour or even days.
2. Denial of what has just happened, my conscious knows, but my subconscious doesn’t accept it. I know it has happened, but still talk, and think as if it hadn’t.
3. Awareness, right, so now it has happened, and I know I have to deal with it, but that’s about all I know at this point, don’t know what to do.
4. Gloom, at this moment, I’m having a mix of emotions of anger, sadness and what not… I don’t know what to do, but at this stage, I’m more focused on my emotions than on the situation itself.
5. Despair, right after being sad/angry/<whatever else>, I start kicking and moving (figuratively speaking), but I keep sinking into those emotions, I can’t organize my thoughts, less can I organize my actions, I still don’t know what to do.
6. The halting, knowing that I don’t know what to do (haha, ok I couldn’t put it on other words), and seeing that my past actions didn’t have any effect, I lose hope and slowly start not doing anything at all whatsoever, and start to give up on the situation, and think I won’t be able to solve anything, and can’t go on. This is when anger fades away.
7. The drag, right after I think I can’t go any further I keep taking steps realizing that I was underestimating myself, note, this realization is silent. The “distance” I go “dragging” is probably as far as all the other stages mentioned above. I’m still not solving anything, just going along.
8. Solace, somehow without a solution I find solace in my steps, somehow I’m not “dragging” anymore but haven’t stopped moving. I realize that everything is clean and clear, at this moment is where acceptance takes place.
9. Solution, so, when I have ‘peace’ solutions come either by themselves, or made by myself.

So, what happens in (7) is more or less what is described here: Wikipedia; Second Wind.

I’m at stage 9 of a recent event, and now that I can think I can ask myself this question. Why do solutions come AFTER all that? haha.

Beats me how people can, not only disregard whatever you are saying, but try to cover the fact that they can improve, by either saying: “but you do it too” (if the case applies), or just toss you into oblivion. I would love it if people understood that I’m NOT judging when I bring something to someone’s attention, specially when I tell him/her in a private, one-on-one, and in a kind manner.

Another thing is, I’m expressing my love (or friendship, or appreciation, pick one…) towards that person when I bring those things to his/her attention (and not anyone else). I just want said person to be better; to help. We all need to be mature enough to listen, and humble enough to accept that we need to improve. I’m currently working on polishing those two.

On Luke 6:42, Jesus tells us:

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

So, while I’m working on fixing my problems, won’t I be able to bring similar issues to the attention of others? And what about the problems I don’t have? A lot of the times the (constructive) criticism and advise will be frowned upon and disregarded.

I guess I need a piece of advice… both on the lines of improving my own listening and my dilemma of others not listening to me.